Meeting Myself

I sat with my diary to pen down an article for my blog. Just like any other day. But I was not feeling like the same as the other days. I was feeling like what I am going to write. If I myself am broken, how can I think that I will make others happy. How??

Its like I am meeting an unknown. An unknown who is more like me. An unknown who knows me very well, he is making me worried of things and next moment he is providing me with all courage needed to overcome those worries. An unknown who is narrating me my piece of situation. I want to fly. Up above all, far in the sky. I have that courage. I have that fire burning within me but why today I am feeling as someone has stoned my wings. Why today I am unable to ignite the flame which burns that drastic fire within me which leads me to where I want to go. Why today I am feeling so helpless as I have nothing left for me.

If I start to analyze myself over last 1 year. There have been only ups and ups. A happy life going all way with a beautiful girl in my life for almost two years now. Supporting family as ever. Happening friends. And then a sudden “u” turn, that figure of love out of my sight rest being the same. I was supposed to be broken then, complaining with my life that why I am at the receiving end today but I never did so. I accepted it as any other truth and kept moving. And then there was the “era of change” I should tell. My involvement in all sort of activities around me led to a better place than ever. A sense of responsibility over my shoulders for tasks assigned to me. Interaction with new people each and every day. A new beginning every morning and zeal of doing something new again the next morning. Yes, I was feeling the myself really close to me. I had not felt the same ever.

Life teaches us at every turn and wise are those who acquire this piece of teaching well. I follow this saying much more than anything else. I try to make myself well geared to face any trough of life. I don't hesitate to share out my feelings publicly. The option of escaping is never in my dictionary but  waiting and then making my move always seems a better option for me a. Unlike many like to move on  in life to know themselves better, I believe in making this happen by doing. By digging out self. I solely believe in "Don’t let anybody else criticize you, but better do it yourself for you to see how much you can take in for what you have been." At this stage of my life, I am sometimes career conscious. But the fear or say desire for it never overcomes my thinking. I need no inspiration from anybody else for it, but I want myself to inspire me. Because I know, I myself can do this better than any possible face on earth. Does everybody feels like same at an instant of time or I am just an exception. An odd man left alone in crowd of many.

I feel like that unknown is saying to me..

“Welcome to the existence..

Welcome to the Earth”

But why now, Why I did not feel anything like this before, or did I feel but I was too busy pursuing other things that I let this feeling go past my thinking. Am I broken today or its just that I am feeling stronger than ever that I need to thank the one who happen to become my past as virtue of a walk with me in this lane of life. It was you whose departure from my life or I say being left upon by you at cross road of my life was something which made me what I am today. Stronger than ever, yet vulnerable. Bank of happiness, yet shed off tears when alone. Occupied by all sort of things, yet very lonely.

I don’t know what I want to or what I am going to write today. I am not getting any single topic in my mind to begin with. I don’t know what words I am penning down today even when I don’t have a fixed conclusion for anything. Is the unknown sitting beside me is another Pritish who is making me worried as well as fuelling me up to move on past all these worries. Is it a cliché or its just like any other day minus my ignorance to this on those days? I am not feeling insecure but at the same time I fear rejection. I feel like being a writer I need to write what my readers want to go read, but today I have been writing my own thoughts.. my own helplessness. Is meeting with this “unknown” going to get over soon or I will have to move past it (again) like rest of days..